Your twisted, locked, and braided 3A-4C hair, whether grown, glued, sewed-in, or tossed on, parted and laid with a toothbrush and edge control, are a statement of your passion, power and independence. You smell of tropical fruits, honey, coconut oil, black vanilla, and the hibiscus flowers of your haters blooming as you succeed. Lather their words up in the finest grades of grape seed oil, and let them get tangled in your twist-outs and left behind after you wash and go.
But let’s not get this twisted, your biggest hater is not another black woman. So despite the assuming, gossiping, eye rolling, snarling, judging, lip smacking, and fake smiling we’ve all done to each other, society has taught us that we’re tougher, stronger, and more capable of getting ish done if we ban together. But how is that possible if our roots are filled with colorism, competition, and self-hatred?
- Stop judging those who took a different path. What works for you may not necessarily work for someone else. Do what’s best for you, and leave it at that.
- Understand that uplifting is better than competing. Channeling my inner Cardi B, “Did I miss the memo that says one women’s light shining makes the others around her simmer?”
- Accept that speaking negatively about other women is rooted in jealousy and envy. Why else would you do it? Did it make you more successful? Is your love life better? Do you cum harder?
- Recognize that, in the end, our 50 shades of melaninated differences are not that different. Many of us want similar outcomes: love, happiness, respect, purpose, and fulfillment.
- Agree that it’s time to throw out the tired phrase, “I don’t get along with females.” You ever wonder why that is? SPOILER ALERT: It’s not always them.
As a black woman, you are the best of all worlds. You are a culmination of culture, class, history and value. But how can you consider yourself strong if you continue to weaken others? We will never win the battle against stereotypes, sexism, and discrimination if we continue to remain divided. So take the step to dissolve a pointless feud, and elevate your sister in need. Hug her, compliment her, motivate her, and most importantly, fix her crown if necessary.