“I co-signed a $25,000 consolidation loan for my ex. He left after the breakup and now I’m stuck with the entire debt. He sends barely enough money each month to cover a combo meal. I make good money, but this debt is weighing me down. I have text messages of him admitting he owes me, but I don’t have a signed contract. Should I take legal action? Keep asking? Or just pay it off and charge it to the game?”
This situation is far too common—and painfully real. People confuse love with loyalty and loyalty with financial obligation. And in the aftermath, when the relationship crashes and burns, one person is left trying to clean up the financial mess. That person is usually the one with the most to lose—and unfortunately in this case, it’s you.
Let’s unpack this with real talk and sound financial wisdom.
Co-Signing Is a Financial Trap
Let’s start with a hard truth: co-signing is a gamble you can’t afford to lose. When you co-sign a loan, you are not “helping out” a partner. You are legally obligating yourself to repay the debt in full if they default. And if love turns sour—as it often does when money and relationships collide—you’re left holding the bag, not just emotionally, but financially.
The Bible doesn’t mince words on this subject either. Proverbs 17:18 says,
“A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up security for his neighbor.”
Translation: Co-signing is a foolish move. Don’t do it.
When you attach your name, your credit, and your financial future to someone else’s responsibilities, you’re putting yourself in harm’s way—especially when the relationship is undefined, unstable, or short-term.
The Emotional Cost of Financial Decisions
This woman said she co-signed for her ex. Let’s stop right there.
He’s an ex now, but he wasn’t when she signed. That’s the problem. Love has a way of blinding people to risk. It makes you believe “he would never do me like that.” But love without boundaries leads to financial bondage.
Now she’s paying for a loan he benefited from. He’s gone, and she’s left with the bill—and the emotional baggage.
This isn’t just about money. It’s about betrayal, bitterness, and burden. Every monthly payment is a reminder that she trusted someone who didn’t deserve it.
That debt is more than $25,000—it’s the cost of ignoring red flags and failing to protect her peace.
Can Text Messages Hold Up in Court?
Let’s talk about legality.
She has no signed contract—only text messages where he admits he owes the money. While those texts may help her case in small claims court, they’re not ironclad. Judges vary. Some may accept them as informal agreements, others may toss them out for lack of a formal written contract.
Even if she takes him to court and wins, that judgment doesn’t mean money in the bank. If he’s broke, jobless, or intentionally dodging payments, she’ll spend more time chasing him than actually collecting anything.
Court costs. Stress. Delays. Frustration. Is that really worth it?
What Are Her Options?
She’s got three realistic choices:
Option 1: Take Legal Action
She could file a claim in small claims court using the text messages as evidence. She may even get a judgment in her favor. But enforcing it is a whole different battle. If he has no assets or income, she’s unlikely to recover much—if anything. Still, this route gives her the satisfaction of holding him accountable.
Option 2: Keep Asking or Negotiating
She can keep calling, texting, and hoping he eventually comes around. Maybe guilt, maturity, or a new job will motivate him to pay her back. But let’s be honest: if he was going to do the right thing, he’d be doing it already. Continuing to ask just keeps her tied to someone who’s already emotionally and financially abandoned the situation.
Option 3: Pay It Off and Move On
This is the cleanest, fastest way to reclaim her power. Paying off the debt isn’t fair, but it frees her from the weight. No more begging. No more waiting. No more drama. It allows her to rebuild her credit, restore her peace, and start fresh—wiser and more guarded.
What’s My Recommendation?
Pay it off. Learn the lesson. Never make the same mistake again.
This is one of those life experiences that’s expensive but transformative. The goal now is not revenge or reimbursement—it’s recovery. It’s reclaiming your credit score, your financial stability, and your peace of mind.
You’ll never win trying to chase money from someone who doesn’t value responsibility. And you’ll never heal while staying connected to someone who caused your financial wounds.
The real win is in cutting the cord completely.
Pay the debt. Budget your way through it. Use this story as your personal reminder that you don’t need to go broke to prove loyalty to anyone.
The Bigger Picture
This isn’t just about one woman and one bad loan. It’s about a pattern.
People—especially women—get emotionally pressured into financially backing partners in the name of love. They co-sign, pay rent, buy cars, put bills in their name, and create an uneven dynamic where one person sacrifices while the other coasts.
That’s not a partnership. That’s exploitation.
You don’t owe anyone access to your credit, your cash, or your name. If they can’t qualify on their own, they’re not ready. And if they walk away, it’s not your job to fund their freedom.
Final Word
You’re not stupid. You’re not weak. You were loyal, hopeful, and giving. But now it’s time to be wise, bold, and unapologetic.
Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t dwell in regret. Just never co-sign again.
As Proverbs 22:26 warns,
“Do not be one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts.”
Protect your credit like your life depends on it—because in many ways, it does.
Let this debt be your last financial lesson paid in someone else’s name.
(Damon Carr, Money Coach & Tax Pro can be reached at 412-216-1013 or visit his website at www.damonmoneycoach.com)
Helping you flip your finances from stressed to blessed—one smart decision at a time.
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