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“Dear Black fathers and Black mothers… Let’s give our children gifts that truly matter. The gift of being a positive role model. The gift of showing them what genuine love looks and feels like. The gift of spending quality time with them. The gift of making them feel wanted and loved. … The gift of guidance, support, and friendship.”
Author Stephanie Lahart had the right idea when she practically summed up the practice of present parenting. Also known as mindful parenting, present parenting is defined as parents providing their children with undivided attention so that they are tuned into their child’s mind and body, according to https://www.thisnthatparenting.com/.
“This is quality time you spend with your child, so they know they are loved, valued, seen and heard,” according to the article.
Private non-profit organization Parenting Now noted that being a present parent is not always easy but at the base level it is so important to be connected and attached to children although that can be “exhausting,” especially after a long day at work and the children are working overtime to unintentionally get on your nerves.
Yet, “presence” is considered “being alert and focused on the current moment, rather than looking ahead to the future, or distracting yourself from the moment with other thoughts or activities. Being present with our children is a great way to meet their emotional needs.”
The article added that being present looks like opening our arms to the children “either to encourage them to explore or to welcome them back.”
Children, per the article, “need both of these things,” and they discover to be independent by first learning they have the parent “to always be there for them. In our culture, we tend to focus on encouraging independence, but that independence needs a safe foundation in you.”
Being present also starts with responding to physical and emotional needs immediately by being quick and calm.
“Your response also shows them your love and teaches them they have an affect on the world,” according to the article. “Your infant or toddler has many emotional needs, too.”
If parents find themselves “going through the motions” when tending to their children, here are some tips to be more present:
- Smile and make eye contact.
- Hug, kiss, or cuddle with them.
- Have a gentle and calm voice (even if they are not speaking yet).
- Sing and read to them.
- Hold their hand so they feel safe and comforted when parents and children are out in the world.
Numerous experts say that about 15 minutes of “fully focused attention” is enough for children to feel “satisfied and independent” for the next half hour or so.
“If a work email needs to get sent ASAP but your toddler is struggling to play independently, try reading books with him for 15 minutes, then try getting your work done again,” according to the article. “You can think of the positive time and attention you are giving your children as “money in the bank,” or positive connection you can count on as a buffer for when you need to be away from them.”
Show that you are “present” by:
- Putting away your phone, or other electronic devices.
- Avoid “vague judging words.”
- Get to eye level with your young child/toddler.
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